We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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