Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
