Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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