your room smells of hookers.
And success
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
