His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
