If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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