Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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