i need an iv and a liver transplant
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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