The maid of honor just puked.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
