I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
