This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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