This is not my ceiling
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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