Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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