Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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