it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
