I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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