Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
