I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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