a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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