youre lurking in front of me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
