I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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