I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
nutella sex= disaster
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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