I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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