I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize