I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
