Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
