I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
