who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
