She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
