at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
