Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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