I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
