it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
