so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Randomize
