Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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