i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
