there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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