At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
