we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
