Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize