When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
