We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
