Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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