Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you had me at cake vodka
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
