i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
