Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
