before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
