plz talk dirty to me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
