there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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