Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize