Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
