her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
