So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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