I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
