so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
