I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
