I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize