so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
