he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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