I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
