Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
