You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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