you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
