You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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