i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
