It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
