my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
