I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Plan B is the new Plan A
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
