I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
