my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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