Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
