two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
