you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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