i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
