i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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