Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
