My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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