Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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