So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
