Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize