I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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