so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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