bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
