I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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