You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish I could teleport
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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